Where Do The Skinny Retards Come From?

I've been to plenty of weddings. I hate weddings so you could say I've been to too many weddings, but I've been to them. I've also looked at wedding photos and done the usual 'What a lovely day! You sure did have the weather for it! And look at that beautiful dress!' thing as well. It's one of those unwritten rules of society, like the rule that says you shouldn't go shopping barefoot.

But, back to my point. In all the weddings I've ever been to, one thing is common; Skinny retards. They're always there, balloon covered skeletons with handbags just about big enough to hold a lighter. They're always there.

That's the skinny bit. But retards? Yeah, because there doesn't appear to be a person there, only a bodily presence, kind of like a vacuum where there's no thought taking place.

Now, they have as much tight to be in these happy family functions as anybody else, and it's up to them if they want to turn up in practically no clothes whatsoever. Good for them. I don't know them and since I'm not the one getting married, who am I to complain?

But, for all the weddings in which I see these strange beings, I never see them in funerals. Always in weddings, never in funerals. Why is that?

Is this one of those things that makes weddings so expensive? Car, dress, reception, evening do..... and oh! Don't forget to hire the skinny retards!

There's usually at least three per wedding but I must admit, the richer the families getting married, the more skinny retards tend to be present. This suggests they're expensive - can't be the clothes (there's hardly anything to speak of), so maybe it's the makeup. All that foundation which could be used to provide better stability for Japanese buildings has to go cost something.

That's the only explanation I can think of as to why they're always at weddings (never one of the bridesmais though - think about it), sometimes at anniversary functions, often at big birthdays but never at funerals. After all, who wants a skinny retard decorating the room with their pouting good looks when you're too upset to stare at her?