You know, when I'm paid to worry about crazy things in order to pay my rent and earn a crust to eat at night, when I'm selfishly thinking about what I want to do, what I want to get, why I want to be somewhere and how long I will be stuck behind this stupid car that's holding me from my home, I'm million miles from memories that can warm the coldest of winters but also full of denied regrets for not keeping in touch with good people who played a part in shaping my world.
And so I find myself wanting to end this blog post without talking so much about 'me' because tonight, I've been overwhelmed with memories of the daily bus rides I took to-and-from college for two years. At the time, the bus ride was just a functional device for transporting my then not-so-fat butt. However, upon receiving an e-mail from a friend who shared part of that journey with me, I can see that it was a whole lot more than that.
Even some of the conversations are coming back, and among the memories of the people, there are memories of the interactions and the characters who were there; The nutters, the thinkers, the hippies and the singers and there was even a glamour model! What a mixed bunch we were, but if I remember correctly, I think I might have even felt accepted. How weird!
Nothing is or was perfect, but I remember those people who have left a lasting impression on me and now, in my memories, they are still boys and girls but of course, they're not. They're now men and women, husbands and wives, fathers and mothers, and things have changed and the fact that I didn't make the slightest effort to keep in touch makes me feel like I've betrayed something really significant. They probably don't even remember me and if they do, they probably don't particularly mind or care that I've not been in touch, but I know that this is a pattern that follows much of how I do things. And I must face up to the fact that one person did try and keep in touch with me but I didn't write back.
Did e'r such joy and regret meet?
I probably deserve to be alone, if I think about it. If I can't make the effort to treat people with respect and dignity, what right do I have to expect it from them?
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