Facebook and Sexual Humiliation

Facebook's advertisments bother me. They get in the way and I'm sure they're designed to humiliate me every time I see the big text saying '34 and still single?'

It's not enough that it could say '34 and single?', no, it has to say '34 and still single?' - kind of rubbing in what someone (a 'friend' if you will) once said, that I was 'unmarryable' (nice, thank you for that). What then happens is Facebook puts up a photo of a woman who is so out of my league that I'd may as well store up hopes of dating Alyson Hannigan (hmmmmmm......)

But this is the complicated path that one must take when trying to navigate Facebook's options. You see, it started off advertising men. It must have assumed that a 34 year old single guy must be gay. Quite an assumption to make. Think about it, Facebook is assuming that because I'm socially inept, I must be gay? What, are gay men socially inept then? I never thought so. Anyway, I'm not gay. So I decided to tell Facebook that I was interested in women. I don't like that word because it suggests that I'm only on Facebook to try and get some action. If not that, the word interested makes me think of someone who hangs around parks, in bushes, with a big sticky out camera lense. I'm not. So, I put in my profile that I'm interested in women.

If I did! Next thing I know, Facebook has broadcast the news to everyone via my profile. Imagine how cringeworthy it would be to walk into a party and announce that you're single and looking for a partner. That's how I felt. I didn't want it announced to everyone, but such was life.

Facebook stopped offering men to me, but it started to kick in with the humiliating. It was like talking to an Apostolic in the annual convention; How old are you!? And you're still single!? What's the matter with you!? Are you normal!? Do you have a condition!? (apostolics are like that, if you don't fit into the mold (or mould ;-) then you're a bit of a freak with whom nobody should make eye contact)

So, how about I take the advert's advice? Why not meet some single girls on Dating Direct, UK's most popular dating site? I don't think so. First, I couldn't join any club that would have someone like me as a member (thank you Woody), but also, I can't get the impression out of my head that all women on these dating sites have retina-burning moustaches and are built like circus strong-men. Christian dating sites are even worse (honest, they do exist and no, you don't want to go there).

My lot means, then, that until the fates direct my path into a collision course, I'll have to live with the humiliation. At least I know that come my next birthday, it'll stop saying 34 and still single? because, naturally, I'll then be 35.

How delightful.