Why I Don't Use Homescreens

For some time, Homescreens have been the mainstay of modern portable computers and mobile phones. An accomplished homscreen will tell you what appointments you have coming up, what tasks are needing to be completed and what messages have been received.

But not for me. No more. I've decided I'm not into that any more and I'll tell you why; I don't want to be nagged every time I look at my phone.

Let me give you some background; I tend to not tell my parents when I intend to leave one place to get to another, I tend not to tell them when I intend to be somewhere and I tend not to tell them the details of my transport. The reason? If I did tell them, they'd be phoning me to remind me that I need to get some stuff done because I'm going somewhere important and I need to be ready.

It was worse when I lived with them because I'd then get knocks on the bedroom door, shouts up the stairs or comments at the dinner table, reminding me that I have to do something or other, telling me that I need to be somewhere and that I need to be ready to go to it. Sure, I know that they did it because they cared and for that I am truly thankful, but I could feel my skull being crushed under the pressure of the constant reminders of the things that were coming up.

That's what homescreens do to me. With a homescreen turned on, every time I look at my phone or PDA is like I'm getting nagged all over again about unread messages, constantly being reminded that there are unfinished tasks that may not need to be done until next month, and that tomorrow, I have to go do something somewhere with someone, somehow.

Imagine, if every time you picked up your phone you heard a nagging voice telling you stuff that you already know or you don't need to know. That's why I don't do homescreens any more. That's why I now do a simple, paper-based diary - Because I know where to look if I need to know what is coming up, I know there's a place where this information is stored and I know that it is stored somewhere. When I want to know that information, I'll go there to get it. If I don't need it, I won't go there to get it. I don't have to worry about synchronising it across platforms and devices and services and hard drives and memory keys and websites and flippin' intergalactic satellite to-do lists with their laser-guided calendars and integrated 3D holographic contacts lists! I don't get interrupted!

I hate being nagged at the best of times and so, as long as I can maintain control and discipline, life is much simpler and far more pleasurable without an infernal homescreen telling me stuff all the time. Far better to have a pretty picture to still my restless mind.

If anybody can tell me where that photo is from on the right, up there, I'll be well impressed (there's a clue in the file name and no, Mr. Spoon is not allowed to guess).

Moleskine Templates for Apple Pages

I wanted to be able to easily put content from my Mac into my Moleskine collector so I opened up my Apple Pages application and decided to put this little file together. Each of the three templates are media placeholders which makes it easy to add graphic elements such as maps or simple backdrops.

The first element had, as can be seen, a map in mind. I wanted to be able to paste text into a box (for example, if details had been sent to me in an e-mail or there was something dead useful on a webpage) and I wanted a page dedicated to added some contact details. I can also add these to the pocket at the back of the book should I need.

If you want a copy of the Apple Pages file, just drop a line to rcopeh at google mail dot com and I'll send it to you as soon as I can.

Microsoft's Monopoly vs Apple's 'Monopoly'

There's been some talk in the media that since the EU has sought to tackle Microsoft's abuse of market dominance on the Desktop Operating System market, Apple should be next for its dominance in mobile digital music.

This, in my opinion, is crazy and this is why; Choice. Apple's so-called monopoly has been achieved through the choice of people wanting its products. Microsoft's monopoly has been achieved through people having to use their products where no choice was offered.

Let me put this another way, if you were to walk into a high street electronic store or a computer store with a view to purchasing a digital music player, you would find choice. Lots of choice. There'd be so many different makes and models of digital music player from which to choose that your head would spin. You'll find music players by Fujitsu, Sanio and Sony (to name but a few). There'd be a bunch of cheaper ones with a brand you've never heard of before. You'll find players that can handle video made by Creative and yes, you'll find media players by Apple. What you'll see is that you have choice, you can choose which player you want and guess what, they will all play MP3 files.

But what if you were looking to buy a computer? Granted, you could walk into a store and find computers made by HP, Lenovo and Sony and many more. Is that choice? Kind of. But what about the Operating System? Sure, you can choose between Windows Vista Home Basic, Windows Vista Home Premium, Windows Vista Enterprise and so on, but the bottom line is this, you will be buying a Microsoft operating system. Sure, if you ask around and make the effort, you can get yourself a Linux box and maybe even a Mac, but let's look at the shop window; All you can have is Windows.

Whereas you can choose your music player, you can't choose your Desktop Operating System. And this is the difference between Microsoft's monopoly and Apple's 'monopoly'.

But how did we get here?

Microsoft got here by illegal means. They bullied companies into not including other Operating Systems on their computers thus making sure that the only Operating System that could breathe was Windows. Anything else suffocated through lack of exposure. Ever heard of BeOS? There we go then. Windows succeeded by becoming the default installation on almost every computer sold. Not many people actually choose Microsoft Windows because, as far as they can see, Microsoft Windows is all there is.

How did the iPod become so dominant? Apple released it, marketed it and people chose it. It's that simple. Apple didn't have to stop others from making music players and it didn't have to stop shops from selling them. In other words, Apple made a media player that people wanted more than the others, hence their market lead. If Apple were to start making media players that people didn't like, people could move on and buy something else instead. Apple doesn't own the market through bribery and corruption, it owns that market by appealing to the materialistic values promoted in today's modern media - in other words, Apple owns the market because it makes things that people want.

But the EU is worried because Apple is locking people into the iPod. They say that there's no means for people who use iTunes to use their music with other devices. That's not strictly true. I play my iTunes music on my Nokia smartphones by burning the music to a CD ROM and ripping it back in MP3 or unprotected AAC. It's my music, I listen to it on my phone and my iPod. What's the EU talking about?

I really don't see what there is to investigate regarding Apple and it's alleged monopoly. Nobody forced me to buy an iPod, I could have just as easily bought a Windows Media Compatible player (that would be compatible with Windows Media, for a while, before Microsoft changed the format without giving me a path to upgrade for free - a la Plays For Sure), but I wanted an iPod.

Yes, Apple has a massive chunk of the mobile digital media market. Ok, it's a hugely massive chunk and it is the biggest fish in the pond, but it got there by the market (that's us) choosing to put it there, not because people were forced or tricked into buying Apple products.

How much of a stranglehold does Apple have in order to force the market to do what it wants? Ask NBC who have decided on their own volition to not work with Apple and instead work with Amazon. Nobody stopped them and people are as free to buy NBC products from Amazon as they were when NBC were in iTunes.... Well, except that NBC video will no longer play on Apple Macs because Microsoft doesn't support protected Windows Media on the Mac..... Wait a minute!

So, EU dudes, before you complain about Apple's media monopoly, take a look at the BBC's iPlayer, ITV.COM, Amazon's video service, Channel 4's 4oD and tell me where you see Apple's monopoly. Then pop down Currys or Dixons and count how many music players support protected WMV and WMA compared to protected AAC. If there is a lockout monopoly going on, you want to be knocking on doors in Redmond, not Cupertino.

4 Oh Dear

Any companies that want to take on iTunes and the use of DRM for purchase of legal video downloads will need to perform well to be in a with a chance. Unfortunately for Channel 4, there is no chance of it's online TV service coming close to threatening even the most unreliable of services since it is, probably, the most unreliable of services.



For example, the only TV show I can imagine myself watching on the channel is The IT Crowd. When it first started being made available on 4oD, I couldn't get the video to play inside the 4oD player, so I had to find the video file on my Hard Drive and play it from there straight into Windows Media Player.

Unfortunately, Channel 4 have stopped me from doing that and now force me to do it from the web page itself. So, I load up the software and after some coaxing (which involves downloading the video then starting up a streaming video only to have to copy the URL to the stream and paste that into Windows Media Player), it plays and I get to have my weekly TV giggle.

That was last week. This week, I'm playing it in the web based player and it says "Oh no! You naughty little man! You need to be playing this in the web based player!". I am. It's wrong. I'm right. I don't get to watch my video.

I'm still unable to watch it. It's free, so all it's really cost me is the time it takes to connect, download and try to kick it off.

But if I had to compare that with the smooth runnings of the iTunes experience, it should be clear to everyone except a Channel 4 executive that 4oD is utterly useless.

When it comes to iTunes, I just pick my Song/Video/Movie/TV Show and play it. I'm fully legal and yet the whole DRM issue doesn't show its head at all. It's transparent. Sure, I'd rather it wasn't there at all, but it's Ok because it causes me no trouble whatsoever whereas this Microsoft-based DRM means that I can't run it on my preferred platform (Mac OS X) and even under Windows, it won't run because it isn't sure of what software I'm using to run it.

Like, hello?

Eczema - Clearing Up

My eczema flare up seems to be finally subsiding. What made it go could be one or a combination of prayer, hydrocortisone, tonnes of diprobase moisturiser, unique eczema ointment from West Wales or ointment and tablets from a Chinese medicine shop.

But with it now, slowly ebbing away, I don't want to forget what it was like because when it happens, the shock can be frightening and it can make you wonder if it ever will go away.

So here, in public view, are my memories of what I had. I fully acknowledge that what I went through is nothing compared to what other have gone through and go through every day, but I want to encourage anyone who stumbles upon the blog entry to know that if you don't normally suffer from the condition, but you got it bad right now, there's every chance it will go away.

It started with the itch, and I can promise you that there's nothing that compares with scratching an eczmatic itch. It didn't seem so bad on that first day, but when I woke up with blood on my bedsheets and deep red skin all over my torso, I guessed something was up.

I started trying my limited supply of hydrocortisone but it was like the jet fighters against the aliens in Independence Day - it just wasn't enough to handle this kickass invasion.

I got advice to moisturise and moisturise and moisturise and moisturise. This is what I did and while it slowed down the rash's progress, it didn't make it better.

Hot days were bad because the rash was all over and into my back so I couldn't sit comfortably in my car to drive because it would get hot, sweat and then sting like there were needles being pushed out through my skin (yes, out).

In some ways, nights were worse because I'd have to 'grease up' and wear a t-shirt to bed and that meant feeling too hot to sleep. Sometimes, I'd wake up to find myself sitting on my bed with lumps of dead skin under my nails and a horrible feeling in my back and shoulders... A feeling like someone had just gouged out a bunch of skin.

I remembered back when I was around 19, when I had my last flare-up, and some exclusive ointment from a pharmasist in Carmarthen cleared me up in three days. I tried to get hold of it and my parents tried to get hold of it but it took more than a week. One memory that sticks in my mind is that of being at the pharmasist's and being able to see jars of the ointment on the shelf but because my ordered lot hadn't arrived, I couldn't have any! The desperation was so intense, I even considered shoplifting! I did offer to pay double, but that wasn't acceptable either.

I got some in the end and, greasy though it was, I started using it and although I didn't get it fixed in three days, it did start to make it better.

Last Saturday, I fixed on trying my luck at asking some Chinese herbalists for help. They gave me some ointment and tablets to try. It cost... A lot. But over this last week, I have seen improvement; my skin isn't as red, I can sit in my car and handle heat better. I don't itch as much and I'm able to walk on a warm day.

I still try and keep my clothes few and loose, but things are getting better. Yet, I have found that where the redness was, dryness now is. This dead skin falling off has made me shower twice a day (instead of my usual once) and is a little distressing, but I guess it's a sign of healing - but waking up to a neck that looks like it's about to crack like dry mud isn't exactly something that makes me feel sexy.

As I said, it's getting better, slowly, and so I can do little more than hope and drink more Goats' milk.

Thank you for reading.

Productivity - One

I've been struggling to find a system that works well for me to get organised in my line of work. A recent discouraging appraisal has caused me to think again about the bottlenecks in my attempts to get things done and so I've made some changes.

Looking at how I've been working, I'm astounded that I still have not yet settled on a single collector. What started off as an attempt to try out various online tools (Remember The Milk, Hive Minder and Stikkit), turned into three collectors, none of which became definitive and, if I'm honest, none of which were really designed to be collectors. Sure, they do a great job of tracking tasks, but I rather foolishly lost sight of the need for ONE collector.

So, with this in mind, I have caved in to the Moleskine! In this, I collect everything and handle each item as required. Each item starts off with an associated empty box drawn beside it and then I put a symbol in that box depending on what I've done with it so that I can cross it out.

Merlin Mann, in his Inbox Zero talk, mentioned limiting himself to five actions. Alas, I'm not as clever as him which is I've got eight which are as follows;

* Awaiting Action (Default)
This is merely something that's just been put in and hasn't been actioned. I suppose that if this doesn't count as an action, I'm already down to seven! Nice!

* Done
I was able to do it there and then. Very nice.

* Scheduled
I've put it in my diary for later action. This is no longer an issue for my collector and it will be brought to my attention when appropriate.

* Cancelled / Forget About It
It's no longer an issue so just cross it off and forget it even existed.

* Correspondence
I have actioned this by replying to the person who brought this to my attention or I've brought it to someone to who's attention I need to bring it or someone else (maybe someone who can get me more information regarding it). This would need to have a flag in a follow up diary entry.

* Logged / Updated
The biggest gripe against my disorderliness in the office is that I don't log and update calls in the helpdesk. The fact that our helpdesk software is to organisation what concrete slabs are to keyhole surgery is no excuse and so I hope that specifying this as an option will help me highlight it and bring it more readily to my attention. This is pretty much going to be only in my Office Collector, but more on that in the last action.

* Reference Only
There's nothing that needs to be done with this information, but it's useful for reference.

* Placed In My Office Collector
While I want to limit myself to one collector, I don't want to take my work home with me, so if something does crop up in my personal time that needs to go to the office, then I'll put it into my personal collector and channel it through that to my Office Collector (if immediately logging it isn't the best thing to do).

As far as the office is concerned, calls should be tracked by the 'helpdesk' software. However, since projects aren't allowed to pollute the helpdesk for fear of making it useless (ahem!), I need something else to track them. For this, I'm using Hive Minder (or is it Hiveminder? Surely, a true Web 2.0 app would have been called HivMindr?) and that seems to be pretty good what with its powerful features, group membership, web front end and even a usable mobile web interface.

I've been getting behind on some stuff and that is getting me stressed, but I'm hoping that this little shift in implementation and a little more discipline will get me to where I want to be.

I need to understand and overcome my two main obstacles (indiscipline and discouragement) to succeed. I can but hope and do my damndest!

Dealing With Imperfect People

The first rule, when it comes to dealing with imperfect and flawed people is simple; humility.

When you're being corrected, directed, appraised or criticised, you can guarantee that the person doing it to you is imperfect. Without humility, there's scope to say 'who does he think he is saying that when I've seen him....' or 'how dare she tell me to do that, I've never seen her...'.

But with humility, you can quietly accept the words of the roughest of rouges by seeing the rough diamond through the fog of western lusts and accepting them as who and what they are.

But why humility? Humility allows you to see your own flaws and in that, the futility of an argument which pits the other person's right to say something against your own to not have to listen to it. Humility puts the rights of the self aside and finds peace in a deeper truth than that of who can have the last word in a battle where nobody is truly 'right'.

This isn't about being a weak doormat, it's about being strong and that is why you find it harder to stay quiet than to speak up and tell him how wrong he is in the same way as it is harder to hold a weight at arm's length than to let it rest by your side.

Very often, you'll find yourself at the receiving end of a barrage of noisy imperfection, but you'll find truth in silence.

Humility rarely makes a noise. When it does, it whispers so that only the still can learn its peaceful secrets.

The Bittersweet Memories of The Bus Ride to College

You know, when I'm paid to worry about crazy things in order to pay my rent and earn a crust to eat at night, when I'm selfishly thinking about what I want to do, what I want to get, why I want to be somewhere and how long I will be stuck behind this stupid car that's holding me from my home, I'm million miles from memories that can warm the coldest of winters but also full of denied regrets for not keeping in touch with good people who played a part in shaping my world.

And so I find myself wanting to end this blog post without talking so much about 'me' because tonight, I've been overwhelmed with memories of the daily bus rides I took to-and-from college for two years. At the time, the bus ride was just a functional device for transporting my then not-so-fat butt. However, upon receiving an e-mail from a friend who shared part of that journey with me, I can see that it was a whole lot more than that.

Even some of the conversations are coming back, and among the memories of the people, there are memories of the interactions and the characters who were there; The nutters, the thinkers, the hippies and the singers and there was even a glamour model! What a mixed bunch we were, but if I remember correctly, I think I might have even felt accepted. How weird!

Nothing is or was perfect, but I remember those people who have left a lasting impression on me and now, in my memories, they are still boys and girls but of course, they're not. They're now men and women, husbands and wives, fathers and mothers, and things have changed and the fact that I didn't make the slightest effort to keep in touch makes me feel like I've betrayed something really significant. They probably don't even remember me and if they do, they probably don't particularly mind or care that I've not been in touch, but I know that this is a pattern that follows much of how I do things. And I must face up to the fact that one person did try and keep in touch with me but I didn't write back.

Did e'r such joy and regret meet?

I probably deserve to be alone, if I think about it. If I can't make the effort to treat people with respect and dignity, what right do I have to expect it from them?

iPod Thoughts and Why The iPod Touch Isn't an iPod

While it's encouraging to read that even the most hardened Zune fanatics are accepting the rather excellent advance that Apple has made, I'm still struggling to fully 'get' the iPhone/iPod Touch.

I know that the user interface is phenominally sleek, but an interface doesn't make a device, does it?

Maybe it does, because I know that I'm itching to get my hands on one of the new iPod Nanos or an iPod Classic, so maybe it's just personal preference where I don't get my kicks out of touch screen interfaces.

And so I find myself really encouraged at how Apple has actually progressed a 'platform' and put in useful functionality that people can apply to their lives as opposed to functionality that puts a tick in the box but has no practical use (anyone want a squirt?).

And so my thoughts on the range as it now stands begin with the Shuffle which is a wonder of modern media. It's tiny, everybody accepts that it has no special features or functionality but still, there's something about it that makes it desirable. Oh, and I am a big fan of pastel colours.

I see the Nano and the Classic as being of the same ilk now that the only thing that really separates them is capacity. Sure, the Nano uses Solid State memory and the Classic a Hard Drive, but the user isn't going to see that when he (or she) looks to see how much space is available.

The update of the Classic's interface really does give the Zune a kick in the pants because Apple have managed to add elegance without adding the risk of having unreadable text or unecessary 'whizz-bang' waiting. In my opinion, the Classic is the greatest iPod line because it does what the iPod has done since the first days; store loads of songs (and videos, and photos, and contacts, and appointments, and podcasts). I have a 30Gb 5G iPod and I think it's the bee's knees, but the new Classic takes that sleek form factor and adds an interface that makes the user feel special without abandoning the original ideals of what has become an icon of digitial media. It's functional, it's simple, it works.

The iPod Touch is, in my opinion, not an iPod any more than the Motorola ROKR was an iPod. The iPod Touch is just an iPhone without the Phone (maybe it's an 'i' then?). This is somewhere I think Apple may have got the branding a little wrong because if the iPod Touch is an iPod, then why isn't the iPhone a iPod Talk?

As I see it, the iPod Touch may be elegant, but it's not simple and in some ways, it's muddied the water between the Classic and the Nano in that the Nano was a cut-down iPod because of it's lack of capacity and so is the iPod Touch. It can browse, it can buy, it can organise, but the iPod 'part' of the iPod Touch is a cut-down iPod; it's a rather limited PDA with cut-down iPod functionality. I think that this is a bit of a bad thing and I won't be wanting one, not because of some philosophical ideal regarding what an iPod should be, but because I have no use for it an iPod Touch.

The Classic is what I really, really want for Christmas (and the hints are already being dropped). I would really like a Nano in the meantime and a Shuffle is cute... I wouldn't say no to an iPod Touch, but if I had to choose between that and my current 5G 20Gb iPod, I think the 5G would win.

Asthma/Eczema Observation

I've spoken to a few people who have suffered an asthma attack or eczema flare up in the last week. Could there have been something in the air?

It can't have been the water because the people I've spoken to would have had different water sources.

Maybe it's a job for Scully?

Thomas The Tank Engine Rocks!

Today, I went with my parents, sister, brother-in-law and (most importantly) my nephew to see Thomas The Tank Engine at the Dean Forest Railway.

The work that went into presenting something exciting for the kids was so evident.

Apart from stalls and small rides, children (and their parents/guardians) were able to go for a ride on a carriage pulled by Thomas himself, have complete freedom to catch any of the trains on the lines, race Daisy Diesel against another train and they even carried out a fantastic little play where a nasty diesel engine stole Thomas' trailers while he was sleeping which resulted in The Fat Controller instructing Thomas to go and get his trailers back, something he dutifully did.

Fantastic stuff.

Speaking of which, almost upstaging Thomas The Tank Engine was the incredible Fat Controller who patiently had his photo taken with kids of all ages (some were as old as 33!), sweltering in a suit that could have easily doubled as an ecologically friendly oven. Even by the end of the day, he was smiling! Well done Mr. Fat Controller Dude! You rock!

All I can say is I fully recommend that anybody with kids goes to see an even where Thomas The Tank Engine is to appear. If it's half as good as this, your kids will adore it and love you forever because you took them!

Yes, my nephew liked it too ;-)

Eczema Flare Up

Back when I was in my late teens, my GP told me that I should have grown out of my eczema by then. I'm now in my mid thirties and eczema is one of the many things that I have yet to grow out of.

What I have found is that when you tell someone you have eczema, they imagine that you have a little patch of red skin on the back of your leg or maybe on your elbow. Most of the time, that is the case, which is why I say that I have mild eczema (my uncle has extreme eczema where he's even managed to get it behind his eyeballs).

This common assumption that eczema is primarily a patch of red tucked away somewhere hides a nasty truth that many people live with all their lives. For me, I have had to live with a slightly more severe form for the last few days.

I've always had some on the back of my neck or behind my knees but recently, it has spread like wildfire and it is all over me like the proverbial rash. Apart from gallons of hydrocortisone, I don't know what to do. So far, these are the steps I've found that I can do;

• Drink lots of water so that if there's a toxin in my system that has caused this, it'll wash out
• Drink less cows' milk and more goats' milk
• Moisturise with unscented moisturiser
• Stay calm (yeah, right)
• Stay cool (temperature, not style)
  
• Don't scratch
  

I'm trying the above, but it's particularly hard to moisturise when the rash has spread over my entire torso (front and back), my arms and legs and neck and face. It's almost impossible to not scratch and while I am drinking goats' milk, it's not as nice as that of the cow. As for staying calm and cool, it's a struggle but I'm trying.

But that last one is the corker because whenever someone tells me "don't scratch", I just want to smack them in the face with a flaky fist because if there's anything an eczema sufferer knows he shouldn't do, it's scratching but if there's one thing that an eczema suffere can't stop doing, it's scratching.

It's not funny and it's more than a hindrance.

It can stop you from walking, from being able to concentrate or from being comfortable in a social situation yet there's no scope for me to take sick leave because of eczema because eczema is perceived as merely a deficient appearance, but I promise you, when you got eczema, your appearance isn't always at the top of your list of concerns.

Sometimes, all you want is peace and you ain't got it because every square inch of your body is crying out for attention, screaming for you to scratch or rub or stroke and all you can do is wish that one night, just one night, you could sleep right through until morning without waking up every hour finding yourself scratching the living daylight out of yourself.

Nokia Maps Keyboard Shortcuts on Nokie E61 (probably E61i and E62 also)

I've found the following keyboard shortcuts for use with Nokia Maps on my E61;

Zoom In - Left Shift
Zoom Out - Right Shift (or Backspace)
2D / 3D Switch - Space Bar
Map Night/Day Mode Colours - Ctrl

Build Me Up, Buttercup

The 'Evening Do' is one of the more recent of the annoying phenomena that come attached to weddings. These always wind me up, and when coupled with the 'Wedding Gift List' I find myself being pushed to the edge of wanting to rush into a packed wedding 'Evening Do' with a beehive and a honey spray.

What I can't understand is what is it with the 'Evening Do'? It's evidence that we're living in a more permissive society because if the young couple had decided to abstain from bonking until marriage, they really wouldn't want the tedium of the extended evening, making them even more tetchy and even more likely to be 'too tired'.

So what is the idea with the Evening Do? My experience suggests that there has been a not-so coincidental parallel growth with Evening Dos and Wedding Gift Lists.

Think about it; people don't invite any old Tom, Dick or Harry to the wedding reception. This in mind, though, the more people that are invited, the more gifts received. Great, except that some of the gifts received are worth less than the 'cost per head' for a reception.

The fix for this is the Wedding Gift List which allows the couple to set a minimum price for gifts thus ensuring a return on each seat in the reception.

But why stop there!? Why not have the reception but then, after that, another 'half-reception' where all the guests are still expected to bring expensive gifts but this reception will be cheaper with crappier food, dilluted drinks and music so loud that the couple won't have to make conversation with 'The Outer Circles'.

This really is a win-win situation for the couple; more gifts and fewer upset uninvitees.

But I don't buy it.

I don't like weddings at the best of times and as my chances of being in a wedding of my own fade like a British Summer Sunbeam, my mood isn't going to get any better, but I know that if someone wants me to go to their wedding reception, it's at least only half about the gift and I can half respect that. But I'm not a stocking-filler for an 'Evening Do' to spend an evening watching loose-tied yobs dance with skinny 19 year olds to 'Build Me Up Buttercup' holding pint glasses on their heads and thinking they're the lovechild of Tom Jones and Rambo.

Quite frankly, I have better things to do with my time and I can do without being used like that and if I ever get married (what follows may partly explain why I'll never tie the knot), there'll be no evening do, no wedding gift list and the reception food will be good old fashioned nosh; fish and chips or home made mashed potatos, gravy and a good bit of beef.

When You Can't See The Greater Good

It's amazing the things that come to mind out of aparently nowhere. For example, something (I don't know what) has reminded me of something that happened some twelve years ago that has obviously left its mark on me;

There was a leader in my church to whom I could go for sound advice. He was open minded, clear, wise and solid as a rock. I trusted him and my family trusted him, and to this day I've not had cause to distrust him.

But, one day, he told me that he'd received instruction to turn me away. Someone who had authority had told him it was wrong for me to seek advice from him and he, being a man under authority, had to obey.

I have to assume that this 'authority' was the pastor (who has long since moved on to larger - if somewhat shallower - pastures). I'm sure that many of us have had to face situations which were unpleasant or confusing at first only to see the bigger picture later on, but in this instance, no such moment of revelation has ever come.

I've never found out the reason, I've never understood the action and nobody has ever thought it considerate to explain the thinking. It just is.

The Bible has lots of examples of why we should trust our leaders and listen to what they say, but when nothing is demonstrated to earn that respect, they have to understand that they are spending borrowed trust. Christians in places like China, Africa and the former Soviet Union see these demonstrations on a regular basis as miracles become an almost regular thing, but here in the West where faith is more about method and emotion, things aren't so clear.

I take my hat off to people like David Hathaway, an English evangelist who is seeing really powerful miracles in Russia, and I'm wondering what's needed to again see a tangible demonstration of the miraculous in Britain.